The NFL's Naughty Words List

 

You may remember the NFL’s actions against the cable soap opera, Playmakers. Well, they are at it again, once more going on the attack against freedom of expression. And since the big wigs who run pro football are apparently a bit cheap and rather lazy in addition to being proponents of censorship, they’ve automated the process of squashing free speech. It’s certainly not my intention to equate the NFL with the firemen in the novel Fahrenheit 451 who went about burning books that weren’t on the approved list. The NFL almost had their heart in the right place when they set their current procedures in place. Their goal was to restrict people from associating the NFL brand with obscenity or vulgarity. I can understand that. Personalized pro sports team jerseys has become big business in recent years, accounting for 20 percent of the NFLShop.com’s $60 million in annual revenues. But the way players move from team to team with such frequency nowadays due to free agency, it has become a risky proposition to purchase the jersey of your favorite player on your favorite team. Chances are that in a year or two he will be playing for a different team, rendering your expensive purchase obsolete. Better to put your own name, or nickname, or a favorite phrase on the jersey, since you won’t be traded or have the opportunity to accept an offer from another team with more salary cap space.

To accommodate this demand, yet also keep firm control of its officially licensed products by prohibiting fans from selecting words/phrases that were offensive and crossed the lines of good taste, a dirty word filter was installed at the NFL’s online store. This filter prevents a list of 1,159 banned words from being selected. So what could go wrong? Shortly after the last Super Bowl, a Louisiana State professor tried to purchase a jersey. The champion Patriots rookie cornerback Randall Gay happened to be a former student of the professor, and since he isn’t a big name player whose jersey could easily be found in a nearby Modell’s or Sports Authority, she decided to buy a personalized jersey to honor Randall. Her request was promptly rejected. A message popped up stating, “This field should not contain a naughty word”. This is how she learned that ‘Gay’ is one of the 1,159 words considered objectionable by the NFL. Site employees lifted the block on the word just long enough for the professor to place her order, then immediately reinstated it. As result, when Barry Gay of Raleigh, NC attempted to purchase a personalized jersey with his own last name, he too was rejected. Since it turns out that he is a homosexual, Barry was doubly insulted. If he happens to have a gay friend by the name of Susan Lesbian who supports her local team through the apparel she wears, she will also be disappointed and dismayed. At least she can take solace in the fact that ‘Gay’ has now been permanently removed from the lis.

As for me, a diehard New York Jets fan, I can’t believe I do not have the option of purchasing a Reggie Tongue jersey. Apparently ‘Tongue’ is a naughty word, along with other such peculiar selections as Athletes Foot, Barf, Black Out, Dome, Hostage, Primetime, Sweetness, Showtime, and Tang. Fans wanting to honor Jesus Christ will be rejected. Those who opt to worship Satan will receive the same treatment. Anybody choosing to give props to a murderer such as Raw Carruth will be turned down. O.J. Simpson remains up for grabs though.

Rather than rejecting a name outright because it appears on their list, you would think the NFL could install a system that would alert a buyer that a certain jersey name might not meet their criteria, but giving this person a chance to explain the choice via email. Now that the list has become public knowledge and a seemingly irresistible topic for late night talk show comedy material, perhaps the NFL will get around to taking such action. They have certainly shown themselves to be responsive in recent days, banning names such as the ever popular ‘Bin Laden” now that everybody with an internet connection who has been alerted to this Public Relations nightmare can respond to it by trying to see what insane profanity they can come up with that will bypass the filter.

Lucky for me, ‘Pickering’ has not been deemed an offensive name. Yet I can’t help but ponder the fact that it was somebody’s job to come up with the list of 1,159 (continuously expanding and diminishing simultaneously) banned words. Is it my imagination, or does pretty much everybody have a more interesting day job than mine?